Let me tell you about a spirit that put me in my place. I spend my life battling demons, removing negative energies and clearing out unruly spirits from peoples homes, but this time, a young Psychic Medium in Essex got a run for his money.
But not in the way you are thinking.
I was roughly about 14 years old, my mum spent a lot of time away from home and i was basically living by myself in my family home. This particular night was a winter Saturday, it was the early hours of the morning and i was just stumbling home, DRUNK!
School had kicked out the evening before and i had done my usual: straight off the bus into the village store, which was run by a couple so old, i'm still not sure if there were ghosts themselves. Anyway, they were local heroes amongst school kids from the village because they had absolutely no idea about ID'ing kids.
So there i am, stocking up on bottles of vodka which i would drink straight in the park all afternoon with my friends. (I know right, i couldn't do that now if you paid me)
I digress, after a heavy Friday night drinking and then sobering up, i am stumbling home to crash out. Now Great Bentley is the little village i lived for part of my childhood, and it is stuck in the ages. It was very common that doors where left unlocked whilst the house was empty, and the front door had cobwebs all over it because everyone and anyone just let themselves in through the back door. A tradition that i love to keep alive to this day... my door is always open.
Its roughly 3am or 4am and i'm walking down the drive to let myself into an empty house and as i turn round the back of the house what i saw made me stop dead in my tracks and i am sure i felt my feet freeze to the floor. On the concrete ornamental bench, sat a man. An old man, but well kept.
"who the fuck are you" my mouth said before my brain had realised.
Now let me tell you a little something about me before i grew up. I was a mouthy, little shit, who did what i want, when i wanted, constantly in trouble with the school, police, or anyone with authority... i had a real problem with authority, and if i'm honest, i still cant stand it now. However in my teens, i was a little bastard. I was failing school, not because i was thick, but because i just didn't bother going. So in a nutshell, I was a dick. I was an angry teenage boy with hormones and testosterone flying everywhere and rapidly on a downwards spiral.
"Come and join me" replied a crisp well spoken voice from the gentleman on the bench.
I will forever remember the energy changing the moment he spoke. I could taste it almost, i was instantly calm and sober, i have also never felt so safe.
I found myself walking towards the bench, in hindsight, i am not sure if that was voluntary, impulse or him.
"Who are you, why are you outside my house" I demanded, still not sure what was happening.
"Jesse i need to talk to you" He replied, The strangest thing happened in my body which i have never experienced anywhere else. My brain experienced panic at him knowing my name, but my body did not. It was like i wanted to freak out, i should of freaked out, but my body couldn't be bothered too and just shrugged it off.
"Jesse, you seem to handle my realm a lot better than you handle your own. I see you a lot of the time, calm and collected, well mannered and polite. Yet when you walk around your realm, you become almost unrecognisable, so much anger in you" He explained to me.
Now i am a Leo, i am an egotistical, arrogant arsehole with a heart of gold. I know my flaws and i own them, However i have never liked being criticised, and this felt like criticism.
"You have the potential to help so many people in your life Jesse, you have a huge purpose in your realm and i witness you go out of your way to help people. Yet you have no interest in helping yourself. Do you think its good for you to carry around anger in your mind, body and soul?" He asked.
"I am not angry" I lied... the truth is, i was angry, i just had no idea why.
"The thing with people like you Jesse" he carried on as if i had not said a word, "is that you have a duty, a responsibilty to your gift. I know you understand that not everyone can talk to spirits, i know this makes you feel special, i also know that you feel like you would be laughed at for the same gift that makes you feel special" he said. I am going to be honest when i say that i remember feeling annoyed at him being right.
"Jesse i lived in your realm not so long ago, and i wasted the entirity of my time, being angry and full of hate and stressed. Let it tell me where it got me... alone and full of regret. I know why i was the way i was now though Jesse, i did not trust myself, i didnt have faith in myself, i didnt push myself and i blamed everyone else for that" he continued as i sat transfixed on his every word.
"You have to give everything you got, and push everything you have into being a good person, love hard and laugh harder, but you have got to take responsibility for yourself" he continued as i looked down into my lap, taking in everything he was saying.
All i remember was that for the first time in a long time, i didnt argue, i didnt have a smart arse answer i just listened and absorbed what this spirit was saying to me.
I looked up because i had connected with this man and wanted to look into his eyes and when i did, i saw a warm smile spread across his face. A smile that said he had faith in me, a smile that woke me up inside and crashed me back to reality in my life in an instant.
As his smile faded, so did he, and i was left on that bench by myself with more clarity than i had ever had in my life.
Its because of that spirit that i strive to help every single person i come across in my life, its because of that man that i have given every bit of love i have to the wrong people, and now finally to the perfect person. It is because of that man that i knuckled down and got 10 GCSE's all C grades and above, a masters in psychology and counselling and a PhD in Parapsychology.
People are bought to us for a reason, either dead or alive. Spirits can come and turn you around and put you on your arse when you least expect it and need it the most.
Stay strong people, be a good person, and love hard.
Side Note: As I spell checked this, it told me I had typed the word 'I' over 100 times, which just goes to show how much I love myself. What I will say is, whilst I was having counselling when becoming a counsellor, the wisest man I have ever met said "who the fuck says arrogance is a bad thing, you have every right to love yourself and you damn should". I have not stopped since.
Enjoy this guys.
Prof. Jesse Hawkins